For something as wonderful as orgasm can be, why can it also cause us so much anxiety? Maybe someone told us that there is one and only one way to reach this blissful state. And then when it doesn't happen, we wonder why and what's wrong with us. Well, here's the thing -- there's absolutely nothing wrong with us. So let's erase the 'one way to orgasm' notion and get on with exploring some stimulating possibilities.
Let’s Talk Orgasm
Google “orgasm” and you’ll have more intel on the subject than you know what to do with. As soon as you start digging, you’ll notice lots of lists of the different types of orgasms to be had – clitoral, G-spot, blended, and so forth. Some sources focus on 2 or 3, others acknowledge 4 or 5 and some name as many as 24 different types of orgasms. If you ask an expert, they’ll likely tell you that there is but one type of sexual orgasm that occurs when erectile tissue in the genital region fills with blood, then releases that blood with rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles. However, everyone acknowledges that there are many roads we can take to our final destination.
Remember, it's all about you and what you think, feel and desire sexually - about what works for you. Here's hoping that at least one item on our list strikes your fancy and helps to stimulate your imagination.
If there is a magic button built into the female anatomy, it’s the clitoris. Sheri Winston, author of “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure” says,
“There’s a lot of variety in what gets women off, but it’s safe to generalize that… clitoral play will be the easiest and most essential orgasmic trigger.”
Reportedly, up to 80% of women need clitoral stimulation to climax. (I think the number is higher.) And only 25% of women, give or take, reach orgasm during vaginal intercourse. That’s pretty easy math and the reason that the glorious clitoris tops our list.
G-spot, A-spot, C-spot. What?
Let’s get technical. All of these spots are located at different points on the front of the vaginal wall. They aren’t visible to the naked eye, but you may be able to feel your G-spot – it feels spongy and is roughly the size of a walnut.
G-spot is short for Gräfenberg spot (after German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg). It’s located about half way between the vaginal opening and the cervix. Some say it’s the female version of the prostate.
- The A-spot is about two inches higher than the G-spot and is technically known as the anterior fornix erogenous zone. Like the G-spot, the A-spot is sometimes referred to as the “female prostate”. A-spot orgasms are known to be more intense and longer lasting than those stimulated by the G-spot. But they are also known to be more elusive.
- The C in C-spot stands for cervix. It’s reached with deep penetration, because it’s located at the deepest spot in the vaginal canal.
Of the three vaginal hot spots, the G-spot is the one that can be reached with your finger. There are also vibrators especially designed for this purpose. The deeper A-spot and C-spot are triggered with penetration and may be enhanced by experimenting with positions.
As the name suggests, blended orgasms happen when you have more than one point of stimulation – for example, the vagina and clitoris. This can easily be a win/win, if your partner has a penis and you’re engaged in vaginal intercourse. Think of it as the best of both worlds – something for him (your vagina) and something for you (your clitoris).
There are many more types of blended orgasms. So use your imagination and your knowledge of your own body to come up with your own special blends.
Breasts and nipples are erogenous with a capital E. That’s because of nerve endings and sensitive skin – and the fact that we think of them as sexual doesn’t hurt. There are women who reach orgasm with nipple stimulation alone, which makes sense because oxytocin is released when nipples are stimulated. This, in turn, causes contractions - the same kind associated with orgasm.
Yes. It’s possible to think yourself to orgasm. It’s about using fantasy without physical touch. After all, your brain is a very potent erogenous zone. This is the time to let your imagination take over - surrender yourself to your own desires and see what comes of it.
The anus and rectum are connected to the vagina and clitoris by a thin stretch of tissue known as the perineum, so they share many of the same nerves and muscles. So it’s easy to understand why touching this area can result in an orgasm. Anal play does not have to include penetration to feel good. In fact, many women enjoy a gentle touch in conjunction with other stimulation.
By some estimates, 20% of women have experienced orgasm with kissing alone. It doesn’t hurt that lips are many times more sensitive than fingertips and extremely sensuous. No matter the outcome, is there a downside to losing yourself in passionate kissing? I think not.
Never heard of this? Me either. But that's the word for the so-called skin orgasm. It's the skin's reaction to intense sensations and, believe it or not, music is usually the catalyst.
Unlike men, who have a refractory period after orgasm, women can climax multiple times with the proper stimulation. The better you become at knowing and expressing what gets you (and keeps you) going, the more likely you are to have multiple orgasms.
Focusing on orgasm is not always the best way to enjoy a sexual encounter. And there are many benefits to sexual intimacy that are not dependent on the climax. But for those times you're in the mood to experience orgasm, go for it. Just make sure to take the time to enjoy the journey - no matter which path you decide to take.
Hungry for more? Here’s an article from Women’s Health that includes some sexy orgasm how-tos. Click here.